


Gifted

by The_Moon_When_I_Am_Lost



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Am I writing fic for a queer/straight ship?, Book of Nile, F/M, Himbo House Husband Rights, I hate it here, Sippin' on that Adoring my wife juice, Yes. Yes I am., lots of references, the fic is much less slaphappy than my tags, yearningTM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26093347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Moon_When_I_Am_Lost/pseuds/The_Moon_When_I_Am_Lost
Summary: Booker remembers that first conversation when Nile held her hand in the fire just to see what would happen. To test herself. He does not want to be another flame to her if all he does is rend her flesh.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Quynh | Noriko, Booker | Sebastien le Livre/Nile Freeman, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 66
Kudos: 436
Collections: Book of Nile Collection!





	Gifted

The first thing Nile notices is how he watches her. Booker's eyes are heavy enough for her to feel them but he always turns away when she looks back. She wonders if he knows how young it makes him. He must have noticed the trembling feeling, the slight shift in the air when they share the same space. But neither of them is ready. So they wait.

They wait and it takes years. She has to push him on almost everything. They talk about how he has to stop calling her a kid, how she's there for him just like the rest of their team, their family. He's gotten better, he’s done some healing, but orbiting around JoeandNicky, QuynhandAndy can hurt sometimes. Whether that hurt is envy or remorse, she doesn't always know. But if Nile knows about anything its dedication.

So she works at him. They spend days pouring over new technologies, better ways to case targets, and hide resources. Days where they drink nothing but tea because his hands are shaking for a bottle but she reminds him how proud she is of him. Days where they talk about family and trying to find a place to stay after losing everything. They talk about these things with the whole team of course. But sometimes. Sometimes they are just Nile and Sebastièn. Talking on the couch at 3 am, knees brushing, eyes soft. 

The change comes when they start to talk about purpose, belonging. Nile talks about having to fight her entire life. Sebastièn tells her of fighting and fleeing. If he couldn’t save his sons, how can he save anyone else? Does he even deserve to? She feels like she abandoned her family. And no matter how much money she squirrels away to them it will never be enough. She won’t ever be with them again. They cry together, and nothing else is said. Because some grief you cannot get over you just get used to living with.

Nile tries to show him that they have a family to lean on. Here and now, his grief isn’t a weakness and he doesn’t have to hide it. Nile and Andy take bets on when Nicky will finally be able to talk to Booker, Quynh mentions having seen Booker and Joe watching the game, but at intermission butting their heads together to talk and giggle like little boys. It’s good to see him growing.

Nile grows too. They train her all the time. About pressure points and poison and wrestling holds. Nile asks for a set of broadswords. The team all take turns teaching her something. This is not to say that she doesn’t miss her old life, but she is steady and reveling in the new one. She feels alive and ready to topple anything in her way.

Booker remembers that first conversation when Nile held her hand in the fire just to see what would happen. To test herself. He does not want to be another flame to her if all he does is rend her flesh. He thinks about keeping her warm, about the gold tones of her skin in the glow. He is trying to find out if he is worthy enough for such a treasure. If nothing else, surely he can tell her, in small ways at least, of the fire he sees in her, the fire she lights in him.

The energy between them changes, deepens after her thirtieth immortal birthday. They throw a seven-person party. They take a moment to be silent over the chair. And then they start passing each other fresh bread and warmer smiles. They all give her gifts. Nicky and Joe give her a pass to an art seminar she talked about. Andy and Quynh give her a new set of throwing daggers, and the promise that when she’s mastered them they’ll talk about the broad sword. Copley gives her a new drawing tablet and a better analog camera. 

Booker gives her a tiny box the color of a blue robin egg.

The white letters “Tiffany” shock her. Inside is a rose gold locket, with pictures of her family. She sheds a few tears, he nods and they move on. Three bottles of wine and a ridiculous game of twister later, they all head to their rooms. Booker waits, clears the table, washes dishes, listens to make sure he is the last one there with her. He watches the line of her back for a moment, while she takes the gift out of its box.

“Will you help me put it on?” Nile is turning the locket over, holding the chain tight between her fingers.

He says nothing, just takes the chain from her hand, and drapes it around her neck. When it’s done he hooks a finger under her chin and moves her head back and forth. 

“Just like I thought. It fits you,” he lets her go to take a step back. He does not expect her hug but finds that he cannot help but return it. He presses his nose into the hair at her temple, nuzzles there while she squeezes his ribs. She whispers, “Thank you.”

Sebastièn holds her closer and says, “Happy Birthday Queen.” It is thanks enough to hear her laugh. 

Nile doesn’t know what she expected to happen, but it wasn’t this. Not this subtle dragging kindness. Sebastièn starts complimenting her, seemingly at random. It's not new per se, he's done it since the beginning really. But soon Nile notices that the compliments are different. Measured. 

Sebastièn watches her, mumbles “I like it when you wear your hair that way.” Four days later she finds a small bag of gold beads for her braids. 

She’s been working on an oil painting all week when he says quietly, “Your style is starting to stand out more. I like the theme of water that you use.” The next morning there are new bangles on her side table.

One time they are helping Nicky in the kitchen when she cuts herself. Booker puts her hand under the tap and says, “For the brain of this outfit you sure are clumsy.” 

When she goes to bed that night there is a small antique ring on her pillow. Nile has questions. So the next day Nile does what she always does in these moments. She goes to Andy. A sparring session may be the wrong time to ask, but here they are.

Andy knocks her flat on her back and says, “No. Absolutely not, ask him about it and leave me out.” 

Quynh laughs, “Nile the ring probably means something. Which means you should talk to Joe and Nicky.”

So she does. After dinner, she asks them to walk her to the plaza to paint. They share a look and start putting on their coats. As they walk through the town she mostly listens to them talk, too busy turning the problem over in her head to be really engaged. When they get to their favorite bench in the plaza, they sit down with her in between them. 

“So are we going to keep talking about textile art? Or is our little sister ready to talk to us about love ah? About romance?”

“Amore we cannot tease her. At least not too much!” Nile pretends to slide off the bench while they laugh.

“This is why I always talk to Andy first!,” They kiss her cheeks and squeeze her arms. Joe says, 

“You know Andy! She's very old, and can’t die. So you can imagine the kind of stress she’s under.”

They laugh together, give her time to breathe with them. Then they listen to her. Nile talks about how it has always been different with Booker, how they watch each other so often. The early morning conversations. They trust each other now. Warmth is growing between them. So that's why she worries about the gifts. 

They’re beautiful! Yet she feels as if they are in the place of his affection rather than an extension of it. She asks her brothers why Booker thinks he has to buy her love? Does she seem that shallow? They tell her that isn’t the reason, that is more that Booker doesn’t think he can, or  _ should _ , give her his affection. Which doesn't make any sense so she just puts her hands out in frustration. 

Joe seems to be stumbling around saying something. Nicky keeps frowning. Nile watches them have a silent conversation when suddenly Nicky goes very still and looks away from them. Eventually, he is the one who explains it to her. 

“When you love someone... after you’ve done terrible things. After you’ve carried anger and bitterness inside of you for so long, you feel like you’ll break everything you touch. Like your hands aren’t worthy to hold your beloved, because you aren’t even worth the breaths you take. How dare you think to sully their beauty with your hands. The most expensive gift in the world is nothing in comparison to the worth of them in your life. So you don’t love them openly, You hoard your love, then try to show it anyway without putting yourself in the picture.” 

Nile watches Nicky look out at the stars. She turns to see Joe looking right back at her. They nod. Nile stands and moves to the other side of Nicky and pushes him into Joe. 

She opens her mouth to ask how Joe did it when she feels his hand on her head. She leans closer to them, turns into the arm Nicky holds around her, and listens. 

“It may take a while,” Joe is patting her head softly while he speaks. “You will have to remind him that love is not earned, it is  _ given _ . You will have to tell him that hurting himself hurts you. You will have to remind him that you make your own choices and that you’ve chosen him. You have to have faith that he knows you belong together. There is hope yet, and I do not think it will take you so long as us.” 

“Why is that?”

“Because my darling river, the ring he gave you says * [ Adore ](http://www.grayanddavis.com/ring-archive/victorian-acrostic-adore-ring) .* And that is moving much faster than we ever did.”

She looks at them again. Watching the way they lean into each other. These men who have gone through so much together and still love so fiercely. She thinks of Sebastièn’s arms when he holds her, the way they can banter, the way it feels when he trusts her with his secrets. She thinks of how safe she is with him, how she trusts him. How long it’s taken them to get this far at all. She decides that its time to take the next step forward to their future.

Nile isn’t one to wait long once she's made a decision. So the next morning when she comes down for breakfast, she is wearing every gift he has given her. Before he can say anything she slips away to the study, then passes him again to sit at the table next to Quynh.

She is constantly surprising him, this woman. He watches her come into the room and he probably stops breathing. She is beautiful, shining in pink and gold. He wishes for Joe’s skill in art so that he could capture the way she looks now. Sebastièn feels as if she is walking through the room with his lungs in her hands. She does not acknowledge him any differently than usual, she just says, 

“Good morning Book.”

And what? What is he supposed to do? He never thought that she would truly acknowledge him this way. He’d hoped but… He is watching her move past the table when he catches Nicky’s eye. Watches him drag a thumb across his neck. Booker looks to Joe, but they can’t make eye contact without laughing. It’s not perfect, but it is something, and Booker will take what he can get.

After everyone disperses for the day, Quynh and Andy sit in the study with him. He hasn’t read a single word on the page open in his lap. 

“Are you ready for this? Have you talked to her? Told her what you want?”

“Andy. I’ll take whatever she gives me and nothing more. I’m not sure that I’m not dreaming right now.” 

Quynh, taking a drink from his cup says, “She told me about her plans. Get ready.”

Booker has no idea how to do that. Nile is the first person to make him want to be ready to live, not just yearn for death. He is a bit scared of her, to be honest. But he has read enough books, studied the world long enough to remember that water leads to creation. He wants to know what she will make of him.

  
She figures the best way for him to know that he doesn't have to buy her love, is for her to show him. So she starts to leave notes in the books he’s reading. The first thing she leaves him is Barter by Sara Teasdale. 

“ _ Spend all you have for loveliness, Buy it and never count the cost; For one white singing hour of peace, Count many a year of strife well lost, And for a breath of ecstasy, Give all you have been, or could be” _

In return, she finds Pablo Neruda’s Sonnet  [ XI ](https://hellopoetry.com/poem/9927/love-sonnet-xi/) in her jacket. From then on it is a game of truth or dare. Endless excerpts of Chaucer and Wilde. Nile leaves her annotated copies of Angelou, Baldwin, and Dumas around the house. Laughs when she cannot find them again. There are so many words scattered and building between them, but they have spoken none of them aloud. It is a hovering cloud of sticky scared desire. She keeps playing the game anyway.

Booker wants to know her mind. So he steals her books and in their places leaves her more adornments and words from much better poets than he. A section of Milton and a silver anklet. A page of Naidu and a small jade necklace. He gives back her Angelou, but with a new gold cross inside. A book of Sappho, with pressed flowers. E. E. cummings and a new set of paints.

He hopes that she knows what it means to him. The ability to read her. The things she says without moving her mouth. The way she will talk shop or sit in silence with him. The way she trusts him. He hopes she cannot see how much he follows her presence through the house. 

Upping the stakes, Nile starts to touch him more and more often. She holds his wrist to pull him into the car. A hand on his shoulder as she leaves the table. Her favorite perfume just before she hugs him good night. She pretends not to notice how he turns his face into her neck, how he tenses, and bends under her hands. No need to tell him that he folds for her like molding clay until their tenth anniversary. At least that's the advice she gets from Quynh.

It is somewhat of a team effort, enfolding them together. A charade in small acts. Andy helps her find the books he still wants for their collection. Nile and Joe spend hours debating the virtues of different kinds of prose while they sketch and paint. It soothes a small ache in her heart when Nicky and Quynh snatch her away for midnight ice cream, reminds her of her little brother. Her new siblings give her lessons on how to tease your lover without showing your hand. Trading embarrassing stories about each other under the eyes of the night.

She plays the game for months, knowing that he needs time, eager to show him that she is a safe place to stay. Eventually, she has to go shopping for a new jewelry case, and a new keepsake box. 

They take a trip to the beach. She bought a new swimsuit just to see what he would say. He tells her, 

“It is good to see you happy,  _ Chèrie, _ ” and presses a perfect conch shell into her hands. Now, Nile is a patient woman, but even her will is tested when she watches him help a child who swims too far out to sea that day. She watches him hold the boy to his chest, listens to him soothe the boy with a quiet, “ _ You are safe now Mon chou. No more tears hm? Look, here is your mother. Smile for her, mon ours. _ ”

She wonders who this man thinks he is? Realizes that she thinks of him as hers. She watches him move past the shadow of sadness and return to their small portion of the beach. She realizes that she wants his first move to be towards her, always. She says none of this. Instead, she tells him that she looks like a drowned rat. Hears him say,

“Better than looking like a boiled lobster,  _ Chèrie. _ ” To which, they all look towards Nicky and laugh. Nile laughs even harder when Nicky just responds with a single finger. It is good to see her family together like this. 

It is good. They are good. But she wants more than good. Nile wants more than this silent sharing of words between them. She might do something drastic if Sebastièn doesn’t _ say _ something soon.

They’re in the south of France when the tension breaks. She should have seen it coming actually. They’ve finished a quiet job, and everyone is a bit restless. It's safe enough to stay in the city so they decide to go to the theatre. A lauded production of Antony and Cleopatra that Joe’s been raving about. When they step out of the car, Nile tries to tuck her hand into the crease of his elbow only to be sent to buy some wine before they’re seated. When she gets back the only one there is Booker. 

He knows what they’re doing of course. Quynh whispers to him about courage, Joe says something about faith. Andy and Nicky nod. Then they leave. It is not that he doesn’t want to tell her, it is that he doesn’t want to hurt her. That he wouldn’t be able to stand losing her when he fucks it up. It fills him with heat and dread to see her coming near. The way she walks, the angle of her chin as she looks for them. The sharpness of her eyes as they settle on him. 

He does not know what he will do if, when, he loses her. She deserves everything, how can he give her a shell of nothing? There are some days when he feels that he can work towards deserving her. Today is not one of those days.

Nile watches him tighten as she moves close. As they get to their seats, she sees him trying to sit in a chair a space away from her. Thankfully, another patron arrives and Booker is forced to sit next to her. She clenches her jaw and asks, 

“Am I that scary, you don’t even want to sit next to me in a dark room?”

“You are that scary, dark room notwithstanding.” She moves to slap his arm but he catches her fingers in his. The curtains open. In act one Nile waits for him to interlock their fingers, and when he doesn't, she moves to pull her hand away from his. Onstage, Cleopatra is awaiting word from Antony only to find that he has married Octavia when Sebastien grips her hand harder in his. They do not get up during intermission. They say nothing. But his hand is in hers and his thumb runs over the ring he gave her. Slow and again, his eyes dark in the dim light.

Egypt goes to war with Rome and he brings her hand up to kiss her wrist. Antony is dying, but all Nile can hear is her heart in her throat as she rests her head against his arm. Neither of them truly watches Cleopatra die of the serpent's bite. Too busy sharing air and tracing patterns on each other's forearms. 

The air is tight between them as they leave the theatre. No big declaration. No long conversation about what they mean to each other. Instead, Nile is too busy laughing at what he says about the actor playing Caesar to worry about the rain starting to fall. They walk in the rain for a while before the droplets start to fall like pennies. Booker slips his arm around her waist to shuffle her under an awning. Trying to shield her face as best he can, he says, 

“ _ Mon  _ _ étoile,  _ why don't you wait here while I-”

Their first kiss tastes like rain and softness. Nile grips the arm of his coat and the hair at his nape. He tightens his arm to pull her in tighter, she fits there the same way she fits into his bones, his spirit. The back of his coat is soaked in rain when he pulls back to clear his throat. 

“Why don’t you stay here while I go get the car?”

“As long as you make it quick.” She is smirking at him now, rubbing the tips of her fingers down his neck. He nods. He is back with the car in three minutes. 

***

Thankfully their path is free of immortals when they reach the house. This means that he can push her against the railing and steal his breath back from her. He is quietly proud that she is already making small sounds of want. He wants to hear pleasure out loud. So he carries her up the rest of the stairs and into her bedroom. 

The first time they make love their skin is still damp from the rain. Sebastièn undresses her with his eyes as much as his hands. Spends aching moments feeling her skin under his fingers, studying her shape in the glow. He thinks of how fitting it is to lay her by the fireplace. To watch her skin under that same glow and to know that she burns for him.

He leaves her jewelry on. It prides him to see her warm and adored. He hears her say, ‘’Hurry up love!” So he doesn’t. 

He takes her slowly. Long moments spent with his mouth on her breast, his scalp tight as she pulled his hair. He tries to cover her skin in his love. He kisses her jaw, her shoulders. He strokes her spine every chance he gets. His hands squeeze her hips, her waist, her ass. He feels her hands everywhere. She holds his biceps, his neck, his thighs. She kisses him like he stole the air from her lungs and he tries his best to breathe for her every second. 

When he moves down her body she tightens her thighs around him. He presses a hand under her knee. Moves to put her leg over his shoulder. He stops to bite her calf, to mold his mouth to her ankle. He lays his tongue against her heat until she cries. His tongue traces the words Adore, and L'amour across her lips until all he can taste is the honey she spills. 

He runs his hands over every inch of her that he can reach, and when he’s sure she's ready he moves his hips to her. Her mouth pressed up to his while he presses into her. He moves slowly to savor it, but cannot resist the heat of her around him. He is probably raining on her with his tears, but he feels her hands and her mouth on his face and knows that it doesn’t matter

Nile is sure that he would have bruises from her hands if they were anyone else. She listens to him whisper in French. Wonders if he knows that she understands when he calls her perfect. That she knows when he thanks her for gifting him a treasure. She rolls her hips into him, shifts their weight to push him flat on his back. She grins down at him and says that he belongs to her now. 

They learn how to move together, not an instant tide. But instead, a rhythm that they work for. They are both crying and laughing when the time comes. Her mouth against his neck and his hand rubbing circles against her heat. They lay there, chests heaving and limbs weak for...who knows how long. It could have been minutes, hours while she pushed his hair back and held him close. She would have laid there for days with his head against her breast. His mouth against hers. It is good, so they stay.

***

Two days after watching Antony die from love and hubris, she sees a gilded box from  [ Chaumet ](https://www.chaumet.com/en/promenade-imperiale-earrings-083329) at the foot of her bed. Nile opens the box first because she knows that the note is what he really has to say. She puts her newest gifts in her ears and meets him on the balcony. 

She puts herself into his lap like she belongs there because she does. He already has breakfast ready for her. Nile looks at the bowl of her favorite fruits, the still-warm egg, the cheese croissant on the table next to his. The first kiss of the day is lazy and long. His hand behind her neck and her nails in his shoulder. Long sweeps of his tongue against hers, a small bite at the corner of her mouth. Their kisses are easy like their laughter, and as patient as the day is long. She pulls back only to look in his eyes. 

“Good morning love,” she runs her nose along his jaw. His answer shakes her into laughter. 

“Good morning Queen,” In her mirth, he presses their heads together, buries his nose behind her ear, breathes in the scent of her. Nile has her hand on his chest, counting the beats of his heart next to hers. There is a bird on their railing, and Sebastian feeds her from his hands as she listens to the bird sing up the dawn. It's beautiful how much love lies in what he does. She could listen to the song in his chest while the earth makes all its turns.

She knows that eventually they will have to face the rest of their family. Endure their teasing brothers and smirking sisters. There will be hugs and smiles and money exchanged. But right now? Right now she feeds him the taste of strawberries from her tongue. They have time.

There is an unopened note on her bedside table. Later, when they've said I love you and promised forever, this is the note she will come back to. A vow that he whispers to her on their journey across centuries. It reads; 

Egypt, thou knew’ st too well, My heart was to thy rudder tied by the’ strings, And thou shouldst tow me after. O’er my spirit Thy full supremacy thou knew’ st, and that Thy beck might from the bidding of the gods, Command me. - You knew just as I, that I have always been yours.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked it please let me know! My whole kingdom for the best cheerleader/beta/Bestie ever!!! @jesuisnilunnilautre on Tumblr. Tysm my love.  
> If you want to come scream into the void with me about the Old Guard, I'm on Tumblr @themoonwheniamlost !!!


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